Personally, I’d rather hear Dorothy Parker, but I had to go with Dalton’s pitch:
Ah, but Dorothy Parker is actually from New Jersey. In fact, both Bruce and Dorothy are members of the official New Jersey hall of fame (https://njhalloffame.org/hall-of-famers/). Both were born in Long Branch, NJ. But Bruce is backed up (literally) by another member of New Jersey hall of fame: the E Street Band, so advantage Bruce.
Granted, New Jersey is the armpit of America. But some people would rather rule in hell than serve in heaven, and if we have to pick the person to rule the Parkway, it’s gotta be the Boss.
And now today’s quarterfinal: Both Sattouf and Geng had troubled childhoods, they’re both hilarious, but Sattouf can draw—and his name ends in f. Is that enough to win it for him? It’s up to you to decide!